Recently, when I was talking with a friend of the plans that I have not carried out, she told me: “you are self-sabotaged”. The first thing I thought was “she’s crazy, how could I affect myself to not reach a goal?” But after reading a lot on the subject, I realized that it was true.
I share with you how I came to the conclusion that it is something we do without realizing it and how we can avoid it:
Self-sabotage in daily life
First, it is necessary to know that sabotage is a process by which a plan to achieve a goal is destroyed or obstructed; the Self-sabotage means that we do it to ourselves.
In my case, I reviewed everything that I had set as my goal and that I had not been able to finish: lose weight, study another language, know another country, take a self-makeup course, etc., and then I wrote down the causes why there was not had success.
Surprise! It was my fault.
I did not lose weight because I never changed my diet and I did not exercise either. Although I signed up for a gym, I left it a week because of how much pain the exercise left me; I did not take the Self-sabotage course because I said yes to a work project that did not correspond to me and I started to leave very late from work. And I did not know another country or study another language because I spent all my money on a thousand things that I needed, so I did not have enough savings to meet my goals.
Recognize the difference
We must also understand that there are things that happen beyond our reach that can stop or delay our goals.
For example, I wanted to go to a concert that had waited a long time, but my car broke down and I had to spend my savings on the repair. I understood that it was something that came out of my plans and that can not be taken as self-sabotage.
How to avoid it?
The first step is to recognize it, detect each of our actions and decisions that prevent us from achieving what we dream because believe me there are things that we do so automatically that we do not see them as sabotage.
If necessary, write the causes that have not allowed you to achieve certain things and from that list identify which are your responsibility.
Now comes the complicated part: stop doing that with what we self-sabotage. I hope you serve my experience and share yours.
Loving disappointments, bad experiences or lack of hope are common feelings for people who have difficulty finding a stable partner. It can be difficult to admit, but often the “guilty” of singleness are the same singles who sabotage themselves and prevent them from entering into a relationship.
Self-sabotage: The Attitudes that Ruin your Chances of Finding Love
1. You have too high standards: you do not give opportunities for new encounters or chances of getting to know a person well just because he does not live up to your demands (without even knowing if he is an interesting person).
2. The dating apps do you wrong: the pages to find a partner make you think that there is a catalog of potential partners and so pass to the people in a carefree way, always thinking that you can find someone better in the next click.
3. You are tied by the past: you think that you will not find someone as good as your ex or try to maintain a closeness with people with whom you got involved in the past. Being tied to memories can ruin your chances of being happy in the present.
4. You put a barrier: you can “make it difficult” and transmit an image that can be, often, aggressive and all to give the illusion that you have no interest in anyone, but, in reality, you do not want to seem needy or vulnerable.
5. Abandon when things get difficult: Another common way to sabotage a relationship is to leave the other when the first fights or normal conflicts of any relationship occur.
6. You feel sorry for yourself: you stay in your house lamenting for your singleness. That is a sign of insecurity, a negative attitude that can boycott your chances of finding someone special.
These are some of the attitudes we have that can sabotage our relationships. You do not do it consciously, but a mixture of fear, insecurity and high demands can make your search for love very difficult. Now that you know, you can analyze yourself and find the strength to change it. It can be difficult, but it will be worth it.